de.vocation.com - How can we tell if our calling is God's desire, and not

	Anna fragt: Hello! I currently discerning my vocation with an order(or will be shortly). I have prayed a great deal about my call and have been up and down trying to decide which is my will and which is God's. I have many reasons for feeling God is calling me to be a nun and to this order. However, when I was secretly discerning in myself what I was to do, it was so special and unreal..and it was just between me and God. I prayed and was VERY certain of my call. I had all the ordinary signs, the home feeling, everyone telling me, and other experinces. I want with all my heart to love God and give him my all..and be a witness to others. The problem is, once I revealed my call to others, the mystery and dream have now disappeared and I find myself constantly questioning if my motives are right. I feel so sure in my heart it is right, but I often doubt, I feel uncapable, I feel not worthy, I feel maybe it is really my desire and not God's. I am so excited and look forward to being a nun..and that makes we wonder if I am doing the right thing. I mean my reasons are to love God totally and be a saint, etc, but is it alright that I am excited by other things such as the witness I will be by wearing the habit and meeting people, and the happiness I will feel at being able to pray and love God all the time, and such? I feel I might be being selfish...even though when I think of the process that led me to firmly believe I am called, it is so clear. I feel as though I am living a dream, a wonderful one. I just hopes it's God's..not mine. Can you shed some light on these sudden doubts?
	Dear Anna, The disappearance of the "dream" and the appearance of doubts and questionings is helpful. As you can see, it is making you reaffirm what is important and what your real motives for following your vocation are. You are separating the insufficient, unworthy motives from the really valuable and true ones. It is helping you to reaffirm what you are giving rather than what you will receive. It is helping you to take the center off yourself. As you follow your vocation and live it out you will meet a lot more purification along the way. The bubbly excitement will subside, you will encounter times of dryness in prayer, people will not always support you, some will criticize you for wearing the habit and for other reasons, some will reject you, etc... All of this will bring you closer to Christ your Spouse, and help your love for him to become purer and more total. Hope that helps.


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